Going Gray

Almost two years ago, I started growing out my gray hair. I had been been dying it for almost 20 years and was fed up with the constant dye/grow-out cycle. So I decided to quit the salon and let my natural color grow in. It’s been a process, but today I’m here to share what 2-ish years of embracing grays looks like. Plus I’m answering questions I got on Instagram about the process, sharing how I’d do things differently (the benefit of hindsight, ya know?!), and reveal what helped me along the way.

psst for those of you here for the homes and not the hair, I promise we’ll be back to our ‘regular content’ tomorrow. 

First thing you’re probably wondering…I’m 37 years old. And my hair was dark brown originally. Now it’s silver, gray, and brown with a few remnants of gold highlights. Everything but the gold is natural.

I found my first gray hairs at about 16 and plucked them. I kept plucking until there were too many to keep up with and then I moved on to dye. I kept that up for almost 20 years and my last all-over dye was April 2018.

growing out the grey

Deciding to grow out my grays was easier than actually doing it. But let’s talk about the motivation piece, first. Two years ago, I was frustrated with the monthly salon visits. The expense. The time. Contending with the constant grow out. My hair was incredibly unhealthy and it all felt so high maintenance. I came to the realization that I hated my hair…and I was spending a lot of money to hate it. So I figured that if I let my grays grow out, even if I still hated my hair, at least I wouldn’t be spending $100/month on it. Nothing to lose, thousands to gain.

The grow out process is incredibly awkward however you shake it. Especially when you’ve been dying your hair for as long as I had been. I tried to ease the growout line with highlights, bleach washes, and toner at the salon, but honestly it wasn’t very smooth. The highlights were never light enough and there was always a large ‘dye line’ to contend with. The toner faded. The bleach wash dried my hair out even more. So I gave up and stopped going to the salon. I wore a lot of hats (like A LOT) and gritted it out. There’s still a little dye left in my hair, but it’s almost all gone!

If I were to start this process over again, I’d probably switch to temporary dyes for a year or so while I let the permanent dye grow out. Or find a stylist that specializes in gray transitioning (like Liz did). Or buzz it all off (you only live once, right?!).

If you’re interested in more of the process, you can see a pic of my 10-month grow out here. And my 14-month grow out here.

what I’ve learned

I’ve learned that I’m not as gray as I thought I was (maybe 50% instead of 90%). I’ve learned that I’m not alone on this journey. It’s funny because I never used to notice younger woman with gray hair. When I did see one, it full on shocked me. I still remember seeing a brunette woman in her early-30s at our local farmers market with a streak of white hair and I was so surprised she wasn’t dying it. Like I didn’t even really know that it was an option not to dye it. Fast forward to today and I notice women with gray hair All. The. Time. And at all ages. I guess my blinders are off now.

I’ve also come to really like the color of gray hair. Something I wouldn’t have said a few years ago. Now I catch myself looking at a women’s gray hair and thinking it’s stunning just as often as I do for blonde, black, brunette, and red hair.

Answers to your questions

How has my hair texture changed

My gray strands are definitely more coarse and unruly (whether dyed or not) than my brown hair. And my hair is just not as curly as it once was (my hair is naturally wavy and I let it air dry into curls often). But otherwise my hair still feels like my hair - it’s super thick and takes forever to dry; it can go days without looking greasy; it holds a great curl; and it can never (EVER!) dry without product or heat without looking like a frizzy mess.

The biggest change is how much softer and healtherir my hair is now. It is SO soft and I’m not sure if that has anything to do with the gray but it definitely has everything to do with the lack of dye.

My hair care routine

I wash my hair about 2x per week with any old shampoo and then condition it with this purple conditioner or this deep conditioner (the former keeps my grays bright and the later leaves my hair really soft). I’ve noticed that I like gray hair a lot more when it’s not frizzy so I try to put lots of curl product in it if I’m air drying or I dry and straighten it. (I’d love to hear what other women are using in their gray hair in the comment section!)

Do people notice my gray hair? Do they say offensive things?

I catch people looking at my hair a lot more now. It seems like gray is really polarizing: people either love it or they hate it. While I get more started looks now, I also get more compliments on my hair.

No offensive comments to date. Phew!

Do you feel older? How do you feel about your hair?

When I first started growing my grays out I definitely felt old and frumpy. But as it’s grown out and I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve come to feel like myself again. I suppose I’ve come to see gray as pretty rather than a sign of age. I will admit that my grays still catch me by surprise in the mirror sometimes, but not in a bad way. I like that my gray hair makes me feel unique and I’m excited to watch it continue to gray and figure out how I like styling it best.

Did you have to change your makeup or the colors you wear?

I’ve been experimenting with this! I usually add a drop of tanner into my face lotion and I switched to a tinted chapstick. My sister recommended either a bold eye or a bold lip to brighten up my face, and I’m hoping the chapstick qualifies as the later. On the clothes front, I’m still figuring out what washes me out and what doesn’t.

What was the hardest part of growing out the grey?

I think the hardest part for me was coming to grips with the fact that I was no longer a brunette. It’s funny how much of my identity was tied up in that and I didn’t realize it before this process. Change is hard! But in general, the grow-out process got easier as time went on!

Things that have helped me along this journey

one // support. I can’t tell you how many kind notes of support I’ve received on Instagram! And honestly, I’m not sure I would have stayed the course without it! And I definitely wouldn’t have even started this journey without my husband and friends who encouraged me. Thanks guys!

two // finding inspiration and a community. Finding stylish gray-haired women (of all ages) to look up to was key for me. I think there’s this mentality that women with gray hair are ‘letting themselves go’ and finding women who are completely the opposite of that - like Sarah Harris and the women of Grombre - helped me immensely. There’s a whole community of gray haired women out there (the #silversisterhood) and feeling like I’m a part of it is invaluable.

ps. I save all my favorite hair pics and stylish silver ladies to my ‘hair’ Pinterest board.

three // taking care of myself. When my hair was mid-grow-out, it was really awkward. And it helped me to feel good about other physical parts of myself. I started in on a wrinkle cream regimen (these drops and this cream). I was more mindful about my food. I started working out more again. I bought a new pair of jeans. Point is, I started spending time on the things that would help me feel good about myself and it got me through the most awkward stages.

four // cutting my hair. Once I cut my hair short (about a year into the growout process), I found myself so much happier with the gray. I think it was because I chopped off 6”+ of dyed hair and that immediately made me feel further along in the process.

five // waiting until I was ready. Lots of people will pressure you to keep dyeing or stop dying gray hair. But I’m really glad I waited until I was ready. Because it is a lot of change and it’s hard and I wavered from time to time (especially in the early days). I’m almost certain I wouldn’t have stayed the course if I hadn’t been ready to take the plunge.

A note of encouragement

Last month I received a kind thank you note on Instagram that prompted me to write this post. But I’m not here to tell you not to dye your hair. If covering your grays brings you joy, then I think that’s awesome. But if you are thinking of going gray, I encourage you to give it a go!

I hope that you feel free to do you, whatever hair color that involves!

xoxo

-Cathy

all photos by my lovely husband, Garrett (who says he loves my hair)